Damien Hirst, the clown and artist, is having a galaxy show this month. You probably know all about it. All eleven Gagosian galaxies, I mean galleries, located around the globe, are showing Hirst's Spot Paintings, or is it Dot Paintings? I always forget. Anyway, if you're fab enough to be able to flit and hit all eleven shows, you get a free Spot/Dot print, signed by The Damien. How cool is that? How come I didn't think of that?
So I was thinking, ya know? I'm going to be in three shows in March, scattered all over New York; what if I was to reward my faithful followers in like manner? Would D. Hirst or Larry G. be opposed to my appropriation of a great gimmick? My team of lawyers will handle the details, but I'm all over it. A free xerox copy of one of my text drawings to anyone who goes to all three shows. Signed. Done. Boom.
I guess I should tell you where they are, so you can book your flights, or pump up your bike tires, as the case may be. One's in Manhattan, one's in Brooklyn, and the last is in Saratoga Springs. Details to follow. But back to The Damien. Y'know, I don't hate his Spot paintings. I really don't think they majorly suck; in fact, I even like them, in a hyper-caffeinated kind of way. It bugs me a bit that he didn't muddy his hands to paint a-one of them, but hey – none of my business. His loss. I mean, what's he doing instead? That's what I always wonder about artists who pay someone else to do their work. Why? Are they doing something more fun? What could be more fun than creating something? Do they also pay someone to have sex for them? Or pay them to eat chocolate fudge ice cream? I mean, c'mon, people! Fess up! Tell us what you're doing that's so dang fun and important that you can't make your own art!
Having said that, I think it's time for me to seriously consider hiring someone to help me cut letters. Not because I have something more fun to do (!) but because I want to share the joy. Cutting letters from a Koran with an x-acto – it just doesn't get much better than that. But seriously, if you know of anyone who's looking to start a new career, let them know that the position's available. It's a wage-free job, minimal stress, and lots of yucks.
And with that, big hugs to The Damien, and see the rest of you in March.
Above: Spot Painting, Damien Hirst, circa 2000 AD. Photography courtesy of: