King Obama, Master of the Universe

So Obama wins the Nobel. Like most people, I find it a little premature, but I guess those Nobel folks are forward thinking people. Based on the new, slightly looser standards of achievement, I think I should win a MacArthur Grant for the body of work that I'll be creating over the next decade. That half-million dollars would come in handy right about now.

My current text drawing is the Book of Revelation, and you can read about it here if you're inclined. While I maintain a neutral position on end times prophesy, I find it mildly fascinating. I'll stop short of calling myself an end times slut, but you have to admit that it's intriguing, in a train wreck sort of way. Revelation is the last book of the Bible, and it details the end of the world as we know it, followed by the Second Coming of Christ. I used to be a born-again Christian, so I have a pretty good idea of what the evangelicals claim to be coming down the pike. It's not pretty. And as some of you already know, Obama has been identified as the Antichrist. Winning (and accepting) the Nobel was yet another sign of his stature and might. Because of the great honor, his world influence will continue to swell, as will his power and charisma. You didn't think the Antichrist was going to have horns and cloven hooves, did you? How much influence do you think he'd wield if he had a mug like the guy pictured above? Sorry folks, but the Antichrist isn't going to emerge from the Dungeons & Dragons crowd. And then some people insisted that Dick Cheney was the Antichrist, but that was just too dumb for me to get worked up about. I mean, c'mon - give Satan a little credit.

So the stage is set, disaster is afoot, and the guy who's going to save us, in the short term anyway, is King Obama. The next thing that the Book of Revelation predicts is that he'll start to perform world-class miracles. We just saw the first one: namely, winning the Nobel. The next thing to look for is the world's financial institutions stabilizing, followed by financial restitution and security for one and all. Peaceful accords will be masterfully enacted between warring nations, the mark of the beast will be invisibly stamped on every unbeliever's head (watch out for those suspicious dentists who want to try out a new type of filling!), and artists will be paid handsomely for their creative endeavors. Just kidding on the latter.

Verily I say unto you that I'm not making this stuff up. It's no mystery to me why people believe it, because I understand the mindset behind it very well. It's summed up in one word: FEAR. So I really do get it, but there's one thing that I don't get, and never have. If all this final destruction and Antichrist stuff is predicted in the Bible, then the Christian evangelicals are required to believe it, right? If the Bible is to be taken literally, then you have to believe the whole thing, every jot and tittle, not just those portions that suit you. So why is it then that so many evangelicals are trying to prevent Obama from fulfilling his destiny as the Antichrist? Wouldn't you think they'd be stoked that he's finally in power? After all, it just means that they're going to be Raptured soon, and permanently reunited with Jesus. It doesn't make any sense for them to vigorously oppose the very thing that Christians have been jonesing for since Biblical times. If I was still of the Christian persuasion, I'd have elected King Obama into office long ago, worked on his campaign, and donated all my hard-earned cash, just so we can get this show on the road. After all, isn't the Rapture the Christian equivalent of enlightenment? Isn't reuniting with Christ nothing more than a metaphor for awakening into the state of non-dual Being?

My head hurts. Better get back to my texting...still only on Chapter Four. Wait up, King Obama! I'm texting as fast as I can! Don't perform any signs and wonders until I catch up with you, okay?